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Friday, December 16, 2011

Mike Huckabee and Katie Couric


"Why did you leave CBS Evening News?" he asked.

"Why are you not campaigning for president in 2012?" she asked.

"My heart told me not to run. How about you?"

" Mine too. It was time to move on."

"We share similar aspirations."

"You should reconsider your standpoint."

"You won the 2008 Iowa caucuses."

"On two conditions."

"What are those?"

"Are you against Roe versus Wade?"

"More than one million American children have been murdered."

"It increased illegal immigration by more than one million."

"More people die by means of abortions than wars."

'What's the last condition?"

"Are you ready to marry me?"

"Yes on both conditions. I lost two loved ones to cancer."

"Please accept my deepest condolences."


It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in Heaven or Hell? Heaven!!! Opposites who share similar aspirations attract more.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Mitt Romney and Barbara Walters


"Will you marry me?" he proposed.

"I get to ask the questions," she said.

"I also get to ask them."

"Agreed, you graduated from Harvard Law School."

"You graduated from Sarah Lawrence College with a BA in English."

"Most people know you as a business man."

"MBA, Harvard Business School."

"JD, Harvard Law School."

"Do you enjoy tooting your own horn?"

"I possess the credentials to become the next President."

"Will you endorse me?"

"Why?"

"We have the knack to revamp our failures into successess."

"You rose from NBC to ABC."

"America needs someone who would boost up the economy."

"You founded Bain Capital."

"An investment firm which owns hundreds of other companies."

"Staples, Domino's Pizza, Bright Horizons Childcare, Sealy."

 "FTD Florists, Brookstone and The Sports Authority,."

 "Just to name a few."

"Yes."

"Yes, I wll marry you."

"Yes, I will endorse you."


It begs the question. Will their Marriage be made in Heaven or Hell? Heaven!!! Hard work is their middle name. Despite several setbacks, they revolutionized them into successes. Bravo!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Jason Travick and Britney Spears

"I'm back," she said.

"Yes, you are," he said.

"I'm eternally grateful to you."

"What for?"

"I went to hell back and forth."

"You brought back heaven to me."

"We did it together."

"When I'm not with you, I lose my mind."

"Will you marry me?"

"Baby, say it one more time."

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!"



It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! He's been there for her through thick and thin. Most importantly, the third one will be the charm.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Larry King and Shawn Southwick

"You're 3s," he said.

"I beg your question."

"Soul mate, strength and sunshine."

"Thank you."

"My ever lasting soul mate, tower of strength and ray of sunshine."

"Thank you."

"You nursed me back to health after my heart surgery."

"Thank you."

"You gave me two sons."

"Thank you."

"That's why, he snuck up to our bedroom."

"He and his wife are trying to conceive twin boys."

"He took two Victoria's Secret."

"He needs them for good luck."

"I  understand perfectly."



On September 5, 1997, Larry King and Shawn Southwick got hitched. They have two sons. It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! She holds the magic ace to his heart. And he loves her with equal candor.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Jimmy Fallon and Nancy Juvonen

"Perfect Wife! Precious Cargo! And Producer," he said.

"Thank you," she said.

"Perfect entry song!"

"For who."

"The American."

"Does he or she have a name?"

"I meant the French."

"Does he or she have a name?"

"I meant the English."

"Does he or she have a name?"

"I meant the Canadian."

"You produce my life."

"Thank you."

"You make me laugh 24/7."



On December 22, 2007 Jimmy Fallon and Nancy Juvonen got hitched. They're planning on having children soon. It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They share scores of laughter. Laughter's key to a successful marriage.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Steve Bing and Elizabeth Hurley

"The first time I saw you, I was mersmerized," he said.

"Thank you," she said.

"I was spellbound."

"Thank you."

"I was over the moon."

"Thank you."

"Words aren't enough to describe your beauty."

"Thank you."

"Queen Elizabeth."

"How about Damian?"

"Prince Damian?"

"Our son."

"I'm dying to meet him."

"He would love to meet you too."

"Will you marry me?"

"Marry you?"

"Yes? No?"

"Talk to Damian about it."

"Yes, I will."

"Thank you."



Steve Bing and Elizabeth Hurley have a son. It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They belong together. The world is waiting for them to get hitched. I pray it would happen soon.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving and Early Birthday, Ryan Seacrest

 
"Doing one deep fried turkey and one on the grill as back up," he said.

"My back just caught fire..needed a deeper drip pan!! Haha..stay tuned."

"Are you all right? Do you need a doctor?" I asked.

"I would love to help you."

"I cook 150 meals = 7 countries = 7 continents."

"I have a confession."

"I'm not good with laundry."


"Clothes disappear at an alarming rate."


'If they're not shrinking, they're changing colors."


"White becomes Black."


"Black turns into White."

 Stuffing going in on Twitpic

"C'est magnifique! You made it in one piece."

"Congrats! Delicious! Sumptious! Bon Appetit!"

"One turkey on the grill and one just lowered in the oil tank."


http://twitpic.com/7j4rkl

"Two Turkeys. Thanks for sending the link."


"Game on."


http://twitpic.com/7j5p8g


"Happy Thanksgiving! We did it."


http://twitpic.com/7j5v8g "

"Happy Thanksgiving and Early Birthday Ryan! I'm proud of you!"

"Bonne Nuit!"



On Thanksgiving, Ryan cooked for his family.  Fortunately, Thanksgiving fell on his early birthday, November 24, 2011. His birthday is on December 24, 2011. Yes, he was born on Christmas Eve. Happy Thanksgiving and Early Birthday, Ryan! It begs the question. Did he deliver? Yes! Yes! Yes! Heaven, I might add! A picture's worth more than a thousand words. He sent his fans four of them. Accordingly, his marriage with  preparing Thanksgiving Dinner's made in heaven. Delicious!!! Sumptious!!! I'm dying to taste it. Yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It begs another question. Will our marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! We enjoy cooking, laughing, music, and writing, among other passions. Most importantly, we donate time and money to children's organizations. Yet again, I fought passionately for kids in 24 federal courts. Agreed, 24 is the  magic number. For these reasons, we deserve a gold medal. Perhaps, a Nobel Peace Prize.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

"I have a dark past," she said.

"Don't worry about it," he said.

"I might return to it."

"Not on my watch! Our children and I will always have your back."

"Thank you."

"Will you marry me?"

"Not yet."

"Why not?"

"I don't want another divorce."

"Our six children want us to marry."

"They want to be bridesmaids and groomsmen."

"3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen."

"It makes sense. 3 of each."

'Who will be the maid of honor and best man?"

"No one. The wedding is about you, our children and I."

"Yes, I'll marry you."



Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have three sons and three daughters. They adopted three of them. It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! Their children symbolize their love. They bring out the best in them. If truth be told, they share an extraordinary bond. He helped her overcome her dark past. For these reasons, they deserve a gold medal. I might add that everyone has a dark past.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

David and Victoria Beckham

"I've been dying to present you with something," he said.

"What is it?" she asked.

"A diamond tiara fit for a Queen."

"I don't need one. I have you and our children."

"You've given me four sweet angels. You're a rare stone."

"Thank you."

"Beautiful, Chic, Posh, Spice."


 "And Queen Victoria are few ways to describe you."

"Thank you."

"No matter what they say, we'll always be husband and wife."

"You're my soul mate."

"We're spiritually connected."

"Thank you."



On July 4, 1999 David Beckham and Victoria Adams got hitched. They have three sons and a daughter. It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! Their love's boundless.

Monday, November 21, 2011

President Bill and Hillary Clinton

"Will you marry me for better and worse?" he proposed.

"In sickness and good health."

"In poverty and wealth."

"Before I answer you, I have a question," she said.

"Will you buy that house we saw?"

"Yes."

"Yes, I'll marry you."

"For better and worse."

"In sickness and good health."

"In poverty and wealth."

"Because we're human, we have flaws."

"It's not up to me to judge anyone."

"If we could overcome them."

"It would measure our strengths."

"You're the smartest of them all."

"Thank you."


On October 11, 1975 Bill Jefferson Clinton and Hillary Rodham got hitched. They have a daughter. It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They support each other through thick and thin. Marriage's a partnership rings true for them. They're in it for the long haul. Well done, Mr. President and Mrs. Secretary of State!

Friday, November 18, 2011

President George W. and Laura Bush

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever had the fortune to meet," he said.

"And the smartest, I might add."

"Thank you," she said.

"You changed my life. You're my twinkling star."

"Thank you."

"You're calm and collected."

"Thank you."

"You possess poise, simplicity and sophistication simultaneously."

"Thank you."

"You have the highest approval rating of any modern President."

"95% is a tall order, Mr. President."

"You did not buckle under attack."

"You defended America heroically. Well done!"

"Thank you."

"I couldn't have done it without you."

"You kept me calm."

"Thank you."


On November 5 1977, George Walker Bush and Laura Welch got hitched. They have two children (twin girls). It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! Behind every great man, there's a woman and vice versa rings true for them. I truly admire them.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Colin and Alma Powell




"You're my shining star," he said.

"You're my beaming moon," she said.

"I couldn't have done so much without you."

"Thank you."

"You're the unsung hero."

"You're the hero."

"Let's celebrate."

"Yes, of course."

"Shall we dance?"

"Your wish is my command."

"General, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Commander-In-Chief, National Security Advisor, Secretary of State,  just to name a few."

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome!"



On August 25, 1962, Colin Powell and Alma Johnson got hitched. They have three children ( a son and two daughters). It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven. They have one of the strongest marriages on earth. Why? They support one another. Without question, their love is unconditional.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Colin Powell and Ricki Lake

"Shall we dance?" he asked.

"I wasn't expecting you," she said.

"It's a surprise."

"Where's Derek?"

"Derek Who?"

"My dancing partner on DWTS."

"I thought you said he was too young."

"You asked for an older guy."

"I'm perfect."

"I was a General in the army."

"The highest rank in the army."

"The answer is a resounding no!"



It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? I would rather take the 5th. Taking the 5th does not mean their marriage is destined for hell. They should consider taking it to heaven.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

John and Cindy McCain

"You're just what the doctor ordered," he said.

"Thank you," she said.

"I fought long and hard for America."

"You survived like a true horse."

"You're a hero."

"You deserve the best."


"Thank you."

"You're the best and youngest of them all."

"Thank you."



On May 17, 1980, John McCain and Cindy Hensley got hitched. They have four children ( two sons and two daughters). They adopted a daughter. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They compliment one another. He was severely wounded in the Vietnam War. And she nursed him back to health. Sure enough, they deserve a gold medal.

Monday, November 14, 2011

John McCain and Oprah Winfrey

"Where were you when I needed you?" he asked.

"What for?" she asked.

"You had the magic ace."

"Did you mean Obama?"

"Yes, I did."

"Are you together?"

"Yes, we can be! Yes, we are!"

"He's my boyfriend as in Oprah and Obama."

"Was that why you crossed the carpet?"

" From Bush to Obama."

"Yes, it was!"

"Is that why you're not married?"

"Yes, it is!"

"Are you in love with him?"

"Yes, I am."

"Will you marry him?"

"Yes, I will."

"Will you have children with him?"

"Yes, I will."

"Will you divorce him?"

"Yes, I will."



It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? I would rather take the 5th. Taking the 5th does not mean their marriage is destined for hell. They should consider taking it to heaven.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

RJ and MJ

"Mom used to be a Princess and a Queen," said RJ "She was devastated when she lost her family." "Her parents, 1 aunt, and 7 uncles were all poisoned."  "They owned acres of lands."   "That's why, they were murdered."

  "She also lost her priceless belongings."

  "2 Laptops, 1 Baldwin Piano, 1 Yamaha Piano."
 , "3 Electrical Piano, Lands, Money, Hundreds of Shoes."  "Thousands of Clothes, 3 Fur Coats, 4 Leather Coats."  "200 Victoria's Secret."

   "And several Precious Jewelry worth millions."

   "To name a few. They were stolen."

   "Dad rescued her from poverty."

   "Most importantly, he brought back music into her life."

  "It sounds like the Sound of Music movie," MJ said.

  "It sounds more like the Shrek Forever After movie."

  "I thought you were talking about Mom and Dad."

  "I'm talking about Mom and Dad."

  "The Shrek movie starring Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz."

  "Antonio Banderas, Eddie Murphy."

  " And Ryan Seacrest."

  "The Sound of Music movie starring Christopher Plummer."

  "And Julie Andrews."

  "They're all Stars."

  "Yes."

  "How did you find out?"

  "I read Mom's diary."

  "You weren't supposed to read it."

  "Dad left it in my room. He read it too."

  "Really?"

   "Yes."

  "Where's it?"

  "Why?"

  "I want to read it."

  "All rightee."

  "Who is Forever 21? "Who's Batman?"

  "Mom and Dad."

It begs the question? Is our parents' marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! 99% of their lives is filled with laughter, composing music, doling out money and prizes to people and charitable organizations, producing shows, raising us (sons) and writing books. Mom spends 1% with her diary daily. She prefers not to argue or fight with Dad. Life's full of choices-RJ and MJ.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Newt Gingrich and Ellen DeGeneres


"I would like you to help me shape the 21st Century," he said.

"You're already shaped. Improperly, I might add," she said.

"You don't need my help."

"Improperly?"

"That's why, I need your help."

"I meant Politically."

"You're the front runner."

"I'm #2 now."

"I need your help badly."

"Ouch!"

"Will you marry me?"

"What?"

"It's the only way to win the 2012 Presidential elections."

"I was right! I'm recanting!"

 "You're shaped improperly, not politically!"

"Together, We Will Conquer America!"

 "That's our Slogan."

"Why me?'

"We need change in the White House."

"You're perfect!"

"Change?"

"Yes."

"Count me in!"

"Is that a Yes?"

 "First Lady's Knocking on Your Door!"

"Is that another slogan?"

"Yes."

"Yes, I will marry you."


It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They would accomplish wonders for America. They're powerful doers and speakers. Congratulations are in order!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell


"You're fired," he said.

"You're not on Celebrity Apprentice," she said.

"I'm referring to The View."

"You can't fire me! You're not my boss."

"Would you like to come on Celebrity Apprentice?"

"I would on one condition."

"What's that?"

"To fire you."

"You can't fire me. I'm the boss."

"If I were your boss, I would fire you."

"How about a peace offering?"


It begs the question. Will their Marriage be made in Heaven or Hell? Heaven!!! Hatred isn't the opposite of love. Indifference is. It means if you can't love, don't hate.  Let's stop hating!!! I truly believe Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell love another. For a kick-off, they have kids. Children represent love. Hence, they deserve a gold medal.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey





"You're my greatest fan," he said.

"I've been wanting to meet you. I dream about you all night."

"You're my hero. My fans lift me up," she said.

"You've given me the strength to carry on."

"Hold Onto Your Dreams."

"Will you marry me?" he proposed.

"We just met."

"Hold my hand! Don't be afraid! I won't ever let you fall."

"Yes!!!!!!!!!!"

On April 30, 2008, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey got hitched. They have twins ( a boy and a girl). It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! Amazingly, their twins, Roc and Roe were delivered on their third anniversary, April 30, 2011. Their love is powerful. It's supreme. They've weathered several storms. Together, they rock!!!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Mark Kelly and Gabrielle Giffords

 
"I'll get stronger," she said.

"Yes, you will," he said.

"We'll have a baby."

"Yes, we will."

"I survived because of your love."

"You're the love of my life."

"I remember Dr. Martin Luther King. He had a dream."

"Yes, he did."

"I remember Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger."

"What about him?"

"He was with several women."

"Yes, he loves women."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

On November 10, 2007, Mark Kelly and Gabrielle Giffords got hitched. They have 2 step children. He has two daughters from his first marriage. It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! Because of his unconditional love, she survived brain injuries. Love conquers all. I truly believe she'll make a full recovery and return to her position as Congresswoman.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Andy Rooney and Marguerite Howard



"Last night, I heard from God," he said.

"Were you dreaming?" she asked.

"I always hear from him at night."

"What did he say?"

"You're the one."

"Really?"

"Will you marry me?"

"Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Yes."

In 1942,  Andy Rooney and Marguerite Howard got hitched. They had 1 son and 3 daugthers. It begs the question. Was their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! He's now with God. He made Anerica laugh. Laughter's good for the soul. We'll miss him, but he'll always be smiling down on us. May his soul rest in heavenly peace!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Bill and Melinda Gates

"Congratulations are in order!" he exclaimed.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked.

"You've been promoted."

"What position is that?"

"It's just a line."

"Oh!"

"I'll get to the point."

"I'm all ears."


"You've done an amazing job at Microsoft."

"You're brilliant, intelligent, smart, beautiful etc."

"Are you asking me to go out with you?"

"No!"

"I have plans to open a foundation."

"It would eradicate illiteracy and poverty globally "

"I need a partner."

"I can't do it alone."

"Will you be my partner?"

"Yes! Yes, Of course"

"Will you marry me? We will name it Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation?"

"Yes.! Yes! Yes!"




On January 1, 1994, Bill Gates and Melinda French got hitched. They have a son and two daughters. It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They're partners for life. They devote their daily lives to saving other lives globally, especially in third world countries. Hence, they deserve a Nobel Peace Prize as well as a gold medal. Behind every great man, there's a woman and vice versa rings true blue for them.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian


"You shouldn't have returned the Heisman trophy," she said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"It was yours to keep. You earned it."

"I was not comfortable with my name being dragged out in the spotlight."

"Was that why you left?"

"What about my left foot?"

"You're changing the subject."

"I'm always on the move. It comes with the territory."


"It was time to move on."

"You didn't exactly move on."


 "You replaced me with a woman who ressembles me to a perfect tee."


"Really?"

"We shared wonderful memories."

"We made a good team for almost 3 years."


 "You're my longest relationship."


 "I enjoyed cooking for you."

"Yes, you cooked my favorite meals. I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

"Everyone wishes you were back."

"My left foot hurts again. Football."

"Ryan Seacrest is willing to pay for another wedding."


"The royals can't hold a candle to us. It would be huge and expensive."

"I'll think about it."

"Fantastic! My divorce will be finalized soon. I got married just to make you jealous."



It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Should I take the 5th or declare it heaven? Heaven!!! They lasted more than 2 years.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Anderson Cooper and Nancy Grace










"I'm rooting for you," he said.

"What exactly are you talking about?" she asked.

"I want you to win the mirror ball trophy on DWTS."


 "Don't come home without it."

"Why?"

"I'm one of your fans."



"I vote for you daily."

"Is that all?"

"I'm your secret admirer."

"Why?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"I'm an attorney."



"I get to question you on the witness stand."

"We're not in court."



"We're journalists."

"You're on court TV."



 "In case you've forgotten, I'm an attorney."

"Please answer the question and refrain from asking it."

"What was the question again, Counsel?"

"Why are you my secret admirer?"

"I love you."



 "You're beautiful and hard working."

"Are we on Anderson Cooper 360?"

"It's more like "Keeping Them Honest."



"I'm being honest."

"Thanks for keeping us informed."

"Do you love me?"

It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Should I take the 5th or declare it heaven? Heaven!!! I truly believe he loves her. Agreed, everyone has the capacity to love. Love measures our strengths. Conversely, hatred depicts our weaknesses.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Ray J and Kim Kardashian






"Baby, I told you so," he said.

"What?" she asked.

"One day, you would be my wife."

"When?"

"Eight years ago."

"I didn't hear you."

"I knew you would be back."

"I'm not back yet."

"I have one wish."

"What's that?"

"For us to be best friends."

"Is that all?"

"We would have a baby."

"I would like that."

"Does this mean you're back?"

"Yes."

"Will you marry me?"

"Not yet."

"Why not?"

"My divorce hasn't been finalized."

"I don't mind waiting. Good things come to people who wait."

"Thanks."


"Baby, We'll have a dream wedding. It will cost twice as much."

"You read my mind. Thanks, Baby."

"One more wish, Baby."

"Anything."

"Ryan Seacrest will foot the bill."

"Yes, Baby."



It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Without question, I declare it heaven. They share a beautiful past which translated into fame. Most importantly, it's better to have loved than never to have loved at all.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez




"Will you marry me?" he proposed.

"We should wait," she said.

"Why?"

"We're teenagers."

"Our parents were married when they were teenagers."

"Times have changed."

"Make another wish."

"All I need is somebody to love me."

"I don't need money."

"Money can't buy love."

"Will you love me?"

"Yes."


It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They're hard working. If truth be told, he needs somebody like her to love him. She doesn't take him for granted. She loves him with equal candor.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger


"Great News, Governor! I'm an advocate for kids. I fight passionately for them. Please extend my greetings to your family," I said.

"Thank you, @AmandaUch. It's one of my favorite tweets. I favored it," he said.

"Governor, I just realized you favored one of my tweets in September 2010. I would like to thank you today, October 27, 2011. October is full of surprises."

"I like to hear from my fans."

"I'm one of your fans. Please share my blogsite, "Marriage Made in Heaven or Hell?" with your fans and followers."

"I pray you and your wife would reconcile. Family is the most important. Without one, we're nothing. Most importantly, your children need you to reunite with their mother."

"And if you're not able to mend fences with your wife, Maria Shriver, I would like to be one of your favorite people."

"Are you willing to propose marriage with a ring? I might add that I have plans to have twin boys via in vitro fertilization. In 2003, depressed females kidnapped my only child and killed my beloved father. By the way, I'm 21/43. Because of the brain injuries I sustained at age 2, I've not aged much. I'm not ashamed to admit it. My head was split into 2 when I was 2 years old. As a matter of fact, my children help me to age. Prior to my son's conception, I couldn't grow past 8 years old. When I became pregnant with him, I received stem cells from him. And, I grew from 4 feet to almost 5 feet 5 inches. On a final note, I worked as a Budget Analyst/Acting Grants Manager for Special Olympics International Incorporation. During this time, I had coffee with your soon to be ex brother-in-law, Tim Shriver ( President, CEO & Chairman). We met for 5 minutes in his office to discuss my children's books. Nothing happened!!! For the umpteenth time, I'm an advocate for children. I fought passionately for them in 24 federal courts across America from June 2003 until June 2010 (7 years). I single-handedly enhanced the economy in the United States of America. California benefited the most."

It begs the question. Will our marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! For a kick-off, it won't be based upon false pretenses. I'm a straight shooter. I like to put my cards on the table. As it happens, former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger fits the bill. We would be able to compliment one another. Because I survived a series of brain injuries, there are scores of female terrorists who constantly bully and envy me day after day. They enjoy feeding lies to potential suitors. I believe in courtship as opposed to dating. Following a short courtship, President Nicolas Sarkozy married  First Lady of France, Carla Bruni. In fact, I speak French fluently. I attended high school in Paris. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger would be able to protect me as he did in several of his action hero movies. In truth, I possess the beauty, body, brains and youth, among other qualities to land any man younger or older, including the powerful ones. Once more, I'm 21/43. In all honesty, God turned back the clock and the tables on my adversaries. He saved me from harm's way more than a million times.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Bruce and Kris Jenner aka Kris Kardashian









"Honey, I should probably change my last name back to Kardashian. Everyone calls me, Mrs. Kardashian. My children are Kardashians. The Kardashian name has become a brand name," she said.

"No comment," he said.

"Honey, I wouldn't change my name. We've been married for 20 years. I'm Kris Jenner forever."

"I love you, honey."

" I love you too, honey!"



On April 21, 1991, Bruce Jenner and Kris Kardashian got hitched. They have 8 children. She had 4 with her first husband, Robert Kardashian while he had 2 with his first wife, Linda Thompson. And they have 2. It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! If truth be told, they raised all eight children. For starters, they've been married for 20 years. The oldest child is 32 while the youngest is 14. Hence, they deserve a gold medal.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian-Odom

 
"You're going to be my wife in a month," he said.

"How do you know? We just met. We hardly know one another," she said.

"It's the only way to make love to you. I can't wait to put a ring on your finger."

"You'll be all mine in a month.  You're absolutely gorgeous."

"Seeing is believing. Where's the ring?"

"I don't have it yet. I'll have it in 2 weeks."

'I won't breathe a word to my father. He'll think you're a loser."

"I'm not one of them. I'm dead serious. I want to have children with you."

"I would like to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Thank you."



On September 27, 2009, Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian got hitched. They crossed paths on August 27, 2009. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! Both are tall. Just kidding!!! They waited until they were engaged or married to consummate. Respect is the cornerstone of every relationship, whether it's business or personal.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian


"Let's get married, Princess," he said.

"I'm not ready for marriage," she said.

"Our son is priceless."

"I have plans to attend law school."

"Like father, like daughter."

"Yes. I'm the oldest of 8 children."

""All right! I'll wait. During my dark days, you didn't walk out on me."

"Together we stand. Divided, they conquer."

"Patience's a virtue. Good things come to people who wait in miniature packages."

"I concur, counsel."

"What happened to Princess?"

"Fantastic Mother, Attorney, Counsel, Beautiful, Princess and Sweetheart are ways to describe you."

"Thank you."



Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian have a son. They're expecting another child next year. Congratulations are in order! It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They share an extraordinary bond. What's more, they've weathered several storms.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Rob Kardashian and Lacey Schwimmer





"Robert, could you please tie my shoe laces?" she asked.

"It's Rob. My Dad's Robert," he said.

"I apologize."

"Please don't. It's a compliment. He was ahead of his time. He was a genius and a top-notch attorney."

"Sorry about your Dad."

"I've been dying to tie them."

"Really?"

"Since I started dancing on DWTS. My eyes have been fixatated on them."

"Are we still talking about my shoe laces?"

"You look stunning. I like the way you shake on the dance floor."

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

"I would like to tie them now."

"Yes! Yes! Oh! Yes! That's the way I like it! I like it."


"I like it too. Lacey and Robert. L & R."


 It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They compliment one another.



Monday, October 24, 2011

Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul





"The longer we work for the same company, the more I think we belong together," he said.

"I can't seem to get you out of my system either," she said.

"What is 1 + 1?"

"Are you speaking Queen's English?"

"Appalling! Atrocious!"

"Are you talking to me?"

"Of course not!"

"Who are you talking to? It's just the two of us in this hotel room."

"I'm referring to my old gig on IDOL."

"Those days are behind us. Let's look to the future. We've got the X-Factor. They don't."

"Yes, of course. Now, back to us."

"I'm all ears."

"Will you marry me, Angel?"

"Isn't that the antonym of Appalling and Atrocity?"

"You know me very well."


"I thought you would never ask."

"Is that a Yes?"

"Yes, Simon."




It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! Simply, their hearts beat as one. They can't seem to be apart for a long time.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian





"There are some things you need to know about me," she said.

"I don't care about your past. I'm only interested in your present and future," he said.

"If anything, your past has made you a strong, hard working and beautiful woman."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Please tell me about your past."

"I thought you didn't want to know."

"If we're going to be husband and wife, I need to know every sordid detail."

"Did you just propose marriage?"

"Yes."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Not with a million red roses and a diamond ring fit for a Queen."

"Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. A million times."



On August 20, 2011, Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian got hitched. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Before I answer it, I would like to pause for a minute. Should I take the 5th? Will I declare it heaven? How about hell? Because I promote family values, I'm not at liberty to proclaim other people's marriages made in hell? It would defeat the purpose. And so, it's the moment of truth. Heaven!!! Opposites who share common goals attract more.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Marc Anthony and J. Lo



"Nothing matters, but you, our kids, and God above," he said.

"I have nothing to say to you," she said.

"Please come back home. I need you."

"On one condition."

"What's that?"

"Actually, two conditions."

"What are those?"

"Children."

"Do you want more twins?"

"Yes."

"You've got a deal."

"Twin girls."

"Yes, Baby."

On June 5, 2004, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez got hitched. They have twins (a boy and girl). It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They should rekindle their romance. What God has joined together, let no man or woman put asunder. It must be the 7-year itch!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Jay-Z and Beyonce






"Don't ever let me go," he said.

"I'll never let you go," she said.

"I'm crazy in love with you."


"You've gotten the best of me."

 "I've changed."

"I would like to settle down."

 "I've been a bachelor for more than three decades."

"Say no more. I'm dangerously in love with you."

"You're B and B."

"I beg your pardon?"

" Beautiful and bootylicious."

"Thank you."

On April 4, 2008, Jay-Z aka Shawn Carter and Beyonce Knowles got hitched. They're expecting a bundle of joy. Congratulations are in order! It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! They're head over heels in love. Charming!!!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes


"Sweet Sixteen," he said.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked.

"You had me at a hello."

"Thank you."

"Mission accomplished! I thought it would be mission impossible. Glad I found you."

"Thank you."

"Sweet sixteen! You're the youngest and most beautiful of them all."

"Thank you."

On November 18, 2006, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got hitched. They have a son and two daughters. Tom is an exemplary father. He adopted two of his three children ( a boy and a girl) from mixed backgrounds. For this reason, he deserves a gold medal. It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! The third time was the charm.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Chris Brown and R. Rihanna Fenty



"My head hurts. I don't remember where I banged it," she said.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked.

"On the fore head."

"Yeah 3x! It's bleeding."

"What does it mean?"

"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!"

"Agreed."

"Let me hold your hands."

"Why?"

"You're so beautiful. It feels like I'm a dream. I might wake up and we're no longer together."

" If it happens, we'll always be together in spirit."

It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Before I take the 5th or declare it heaven, I would like to pose another question. Did Rihanna endure amnesia? It rings true blue. I've had 10 CT-scans. I suffered more than 10 brain injuries on more than 10 incidents. I give my gratitude to God.  Gratitude's the greatest of all virtues. Not only did He save me more than a million times from harm's way, He turned back the clock. Let's now turn back the clock for Chris and Rihanna! Heaven!!!

Monday, October 17, 2011

President Bill Clinton and Lady Gaga




" I replaced Bad Romance with Bill Romance, " she said.

"Thank you," he said.

"Baby, I wish to play sax with you."

"Did you mean sex? "

"Yes! Yes! Yes!"

" I'm definitely on board. "

"I love you. I'm on the edge with you tonight."

"C'est magnifique! You and I share some things in common," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"You love President Bill Clinton and I love President George W. Bush."

"I love men who are  Commanders-in-Chief."

"Me too."

"I work seven days a week."

"Me too!"


"I play the piano."

"Me too."

"I write all my songs."

"Me too."


At 21 years old, Lady Gaga found fame. She hit the Jackpot through hard work. I'm 21/43. It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! Action speaks louder than words.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Seal and Heidi Klum Samuel

"Our love's divine. We're blessed with four children with beautiful shades," he said.

"I couldn't have asked for a better husband and father to our kids," she said.

"Darling, you're a kiss from a rose."

"Thank you."

On May 10, 2005, Seal Samuel and Heidi Klum got hitched. They have two sons and two daughters. As a matter of fact, he adopted her first child stemming from a previous relationship. It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! Every year, they renew their vows on their anniversary. On November 21, 2009, Heidi legally adopted her husband's name, Samuel. Charming!!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Michael Trevino and Lady Gaga








"I called more than seventeen million times. You're unreachable," he said.

"I apologize. I'm terribly busy," she said.

"With what?"

"My little monsters mean the world to me."

"17 million and counting. Congratulations are in order!"

"Thanks a million times."

"I would like to become one of them."

"Yes, of course."

"I meant, will you marry me?"

"Right now, I'm married to my liitle monsters."

"You're Mother Monster. I want to be Father Monster."

"Shhhhhhhhhh."



It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? I would rather take the 5th. This doesn't mean that their marriage is destined for hell. Given that I enjoy playing cupid, they should consider taking it to heaven.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Chris Martin and Gywneth Paltrow

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked.

"Your face," he said.

"What about it?"

"It reminds me of an English Rose."

"I'm American."

"Your ancestors might have been English."

"Perhaps."

"I wrote a song for you."

"For me?"

"Yes."

"Yellow."

"It sounds sweet."

"The stars shine for you."

"Thank you very much."

 On December 5, 2003, Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow got hitched. They have a son and daughter. It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! Without question, they are a handsome couple.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Pitbull and Nicki Minaj






"I like your petiteness," he said.

"My what?" she asked.

"I meant your d.........," he said.

"My what?"

"I forgot. You don't speak French."

"What?"

"Me and you should go out."

"Where?"

"It's up to you."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Look! I get to ask all the questions, not you."

"All rightee."

"What exactly do you have in mind?"

"Champagne."

"Champagne?"

"Yes."

"Go to hell!"



"Give me everything."


"What part of hell do you not understand?"


"All of it! I want some international love."






It begs the question. Will their marriage be made in heaven or hell? I would take the 5th. This doesn't mean that their marriage is destined for hell. Because I enjoy playing cupid, they should consider taking it to heaven.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Steve and Laurene Jobs


"You're the one," he said.

"I beg your pardon?" she asked.

"You're the woman I've been waiting for all my life."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You're the most beautiful woman on earth."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You're the smartest of them all."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Will you marry me?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Please say, yes."

"Who are you?"

"Apple."

"Apple?"

"CEO. I founded it with my partner."

"I'm impressed."

"I would like to marry a smart and beautiful woman."

"Thank you for the compliments. Yes, I will marry you."

"You're the Apple of my eye."



On March 18, 1991, Steve Jobs and Laurene Powell got hitched. They have a son and two daughters.  It begs the question. Is their marriage made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!!They lived quietly and happily ever after. They loved one another to death.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

President George W. Bush






"Mr. President, I'm sending you court documents via email. Female terrorists kidnapped my only child the day before my June 21, 2003 birthday and killed my beloved father on October 7, 2003. Following my losses, I started to take them to court on behalf of all children, my son and I. I asked defense attorneys to donate money to children's organizations in my name. Because they didn't believe in family values, their refusals were adamant. If anything, I should receive a Nobel Peace Prize for fighting passionately for children in 24 federal courts. What's more, I enhanced the economy. More than 200 defense attorneys, 100 federal judges, 100 magistrate judges and 100 deputy clerks were hired. Not to mention that some of the corporations I sued were headquartered outside the United States of America. You and I share common goals. In September 2001, male terrorists bombed the twin towers in NYC. More than 3,000 people died. Several people lost their loved ones," I said.

"Amanda, Laura and I are praying for you. We send you our best wishes and condolences," President George W. Bush said.

Because I'm the daughter of a reporter, my father instilled courage, honesty and integrity. When my enemies abducted my son, I litigated suits. I wasn't alone. I took children with me to court. Prior to filing suits, I telephoned several politicians in the Democratic Party. I asked them to rescue my child. However, my pleas fell on their deaf ears. Simply, they don't believe in family values. In June 2004, I started sending President George W. Bush my complaints via email. I wrote more than 300. I wasn't certain if he would ever read them. In December 2004, I received a letter from him. As a matter of fact, he sent me a letter every year until he left office in January 2009. I received the last one on January 20, 2009.

"Just keep telling the truth. It doesn't matter if some people don't believe you. If one person out of a million believes you, you've done a marvelous job. If you were to marry one million men, would you marry one man or a million men? He will be your greatest fan and supporter," Papa said.

On October 7, 2003, Papa died from anxiety in view of the fact that female terrorists abducted my son. He would be thrilled I found the one man out of a million. President George W. Bush was the magic ace. Papa was an astute diplomat, legendary journalist, and a renowned politiician. If truth be told, I was grooming my son to follow in his politcal footsteps. My son would have been an attorney had he not been savagely taken away.  October is full of surprises. Steve Jobs also passed in October (5th). I bought my first computer from Apple in 1993. It's the only computer I've ever owned. I now invest in laptops. I donated it and other valuable personal belongings to a children's organization in 1995. Almost every Sunday, I take pictures at the Apple stores in Atlanta, Los Angeles and New York City. May their souls rest in heavenly peace! Both men were genuis.

It begs the question. Marriage Made in Heaven or Hell? Would our marriage have been made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! He was the magic ace as well as the one man out of the one million I asked for help. I knocked on one million doors. Only one door opened. Thank you, President George W. Bush for hearing my voice!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

President Barack Obama








"You should marry President Barack Obama," he said.

"I can't marry him. He already has a wife," I answered.

"He will divorce his wife. You have the power to land him," he said.

"I don't want to land him. He has children. I'm an advocate."



I've played cupid in 24 federal courts. Hence, I single-handedly enhanced the economy and promoted family values. Needless to say, more than 200 defense attorneys, 100 federal judges, 100 magistrate judges and 100 deputy clerks were hired. Most importantly, I'm an economist. To be frank, I became one by default. I had geared up to graduate with a BS in Accounting, but I ended up with a BA in Economic and Mathematics by means of sexual retaliation. Because I practice abstinence, I'm not a consenting adult. Given that children are priceless, I litigated suits on behalf of them for nine trillion dollars from June 2003 until June 2010. I sued corporations for 9 trillion dollars. Some were headquartered outside America. While, we're on the subject, there are 12 zeros in a trillion.  Still, this amount isn't nearly enough to compensate the damages liable to children. Some are starving while others are injured. If truth be told, more people die by means of abortions than wars. More than 100 million dollars was poured into the economy. Some were pocketed under the table. I repeatedly asked defense attorneys to donate money to children's organizations. Not surprisingly, their refusals were adamant. That's why, I stopped. I've since replaced my suits with songs. I'm also an artist.


"You could put back money into the economy by slicing the salaries of members of your cabinet. Then, give it to the poor by marching with members of your cabinet to poverty-stricken areas. Some children live there. This would boost up the economy. Are you ready to show love to your people? By the way, my name is AmandaU. I'm an artist, author, and economist."

I sent this answer to President Obama via Yahoo yesrerday. It would guarantee an instant cure. Money is like earth. It revolves. If few people have it, the rest are starving. If you lend a hand to them, it boosts the economy. The old adage, "the more the merrier" rings true blue. Only 1% of people on earth are benefiting from her wealth. How about the other 99%? Are we not entitled to the piece of the pie? President Barack Obama should set an unprecendented example. It might earn him a re-election.



It begs the question. Marriage Made in Heaven or Hell? Would our marriage have been made in heaven or hell? Hell!!! Some children are starving while others are injured. By the same token, some adults are also in the same nightmarish predicament.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Deadbeat JayU














"I like the texture of your skin," said Deadbeat JayU.

"Thanks," I said.

"I would like to take you out," he said.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm too young to date."

"I like my women young."

"I'm not allowed to talk to you. Bye."

I've kept you in suspense long enough. You must be wondering who fathered my son. In December 1984, I crossed paths with Deadbeat JayU at a house party in Queens. I tagged along to one with my sister and her husband. As a matter of fact, Morgan F is the father of her first son. Since the day we met, he wouldn't let go of me. He called my sister more than fifty times. Finally, she gave him my number. At the time, he was 36 years old and I was 16.  Agreed, Deadbeat JayU is 20 years older than me. And I am 17 years older than my son. Bioliogically speaking, I was 8 when I conceived him. Because I survived brain injuries, I couldn't grow past 8 years old until I received stem cells from my son. In 9 months, I grew from 4 feet to almost 5 feet 5 inches. I might add that I was a child prodigy. Because of my brain injuries, I excel at advanced projects while I'm clumsy at basic ones. I started playing the piano at age 4.  At age 11, I earned a scholarship to study civil engineering in France in June 1979. I also landed another scholarship to study medicine in Canada in the same year, but I chose France. I wanted to acquire the French language.  Upon my arrival in Paris, I attended 2  more years of high school (A Levels) before starting my program in civil engineering. Given that I'm not good with basic tasks like hearing, talking and walking, I abandoned it in May 1983. Every summer, I took intensive French classes at the renowned University of Poitiers. In four years, I received a diploma in French at age 15. In June 1983, I boarded a plane from Charles De Gaulles airport and landed at John Fitzgerald Kennedy (JFK) airport in NYC. Since the month I arrived, I started taking Math classes as a non-degree student at Baruch College until I became pregnant with my child. CUNY also owns it. I took on more than 42 Math credits (14 Math courses), including Advanced Calculus. I excelled in all of them. Not surprisingly,  only half of them were transferred to Hunter College. I should have graduated with 160 semester credits as opposed to 140.

"You're wasting your time. I won't go out with you. I'm busy studying."

"What are you studying?"

"I have plans to study Architecture. I abandoned my civil engineering program in Paris."

"Did you live in Paris?"

"Yes."

"You're what the doctor ordered?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm looking for a virgin."

"A virgin?"

"Yes. I like virgins."

"What makes you think I'm a virgin?"

"The texture of your skin."

"Really?"

"It's like a baby's skin."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I still won't go out with you."

"Why not?"

"I just don't date."

"You're now in America, not Africa."

"I just left Europe, not Africa."

"It won't be dating. I would like to invite you to my home. I'll play my guitar."

"Do you play the guitar?"

"Yes. I'm a musician. Right now, I'm studying for my Masters in communications at Brooklyn College. I plan to return to music. I had a band when I lived in Africa. I've been on TV since I was 10 years old. "

"I play the piano."

"I knew we had a connection. Will you marry me?"

On my father's birthday, February 10, 1985, my son was conceived. Two months later, Deadbeat JayU abandoned me under the Brooklyn Bridge. He wanted me to have an abortion, but I refused. Several women, including my so-called sisters and his sisters kept him abreast of my brain injuries. As a matter of fact, he faked his own death to avoid paying child support. In April 1985, I took him to court in Brooklyn. I sent the papers via certified mail to his home in Queens. However, they were returned to me. He had moved out. Next, I called his sisters at Columbia University.

"He's dead," one of his sisters said.

"Show me the death certificate," I asked.

"Go on welfare!" another one said.

After that, I sent them to his sisters' home. He still didn't show up in court. Hence, I became a single parent by default. When I was four months pregnant, I found a job at a law firm on Park Avenue in June 1985. I worked until Friday, November 15, 1985. My son was born on Sunday, November 17, 1985. I had two hours of labor. Two weeks later, I returned to work on Monday, December 2, 1985. I breastfed him for two weeks. I didn't know I could freeze my breast milk or eggs. I had recurring amnesia and deafness. Two years later, I enrolled at Hunter College. I attempted to earn a BS in Accounting in two years. I ended up graduating in 1990 with a BA in Economics and Mathematics. I home schooled and enrolled my son at Strayer University at age 16. At 17 and half, female terrorists kidnapped him the day before my June 21 2003 birthday. Four months later, my father died of anxiety on October 7, 2003. I endured more than 5,000 refusals to hire and 50 wrongful terminations at their jealous hands. I've labored temporarily as an Accountant and Senior Financial Analyst with more than 50 companies in Corporate America. If truth be told, the law firm assignment was the only permanent job outside my home in the history of mankind. It lasted almost five years.

It begs the question. Marriage Made in Heaven or Hell? Would our marriage have been made in heaven or hell? Hell!!! He abandoned me under the Brooklyn Bridge when I was 2 months pregnant. He faked his own death to avoid paying child support. He owes me more than $200,000.00 in back pay child support.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Instructor M











"Please don't drop my class.," pleaded Instructor M.

"I'm leaving for City College. I would like to major in Architecture. I looked for Architecture in this college, I didn't find it. I've always wanted to design airports, bridges, buildings, roads, and skyscrapers. Accounting isn't what I want to major in," I said.

"I will help you. If you come to my office, I will help you with Accounting."

"Accounting is boring. I would rather design. I'm an artist. I like to use my brain to create."

"I promise! I will make it fun for you. If you allow me to touch your breasts. That's creative," he said.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked.

"When you come to my office, we'll create."

Instructor M and I crossed paths in 1987 in a college setting. As a matter of fact, I took my first accounting course, Principles of Accounting One with him. He earned an MBA from another university. I'm not certain why he didn't bother to procure a Ph.D. A week later, I had a change of mind. I decided to leave for City College so as to major in Architecture as opposed to Accounting. However, Instructor M stopped me dead in my tracks. He forbade me to drop his course. He falsely imprisoned me at the reception area in the Accounting Department on the 15th floor. Under normal circumstances, I would have walked away. Because we were on the 15th floor, my legs were transfixed to the ground. I developed a phobia for elevators when I was nine months pregnant. I was trapped inside one for two hours. Not only was I between the rock and the hard place, the receptionist was nowhere to be found. He must have paid her a day's salary. He was also a CPA. Given that I was terrified of pulleys, I got stuck with the class until the very end. Not surprisingly, I did not go to his office. It was also on the 15th floor. If anything, I dodged him like a bullet. If truth be told, I avoided him like the bubonic plaque. I was naive and young. And he capitalized upon it.  It didn't matter if I already had a son. Because of my brain injuries, I couldn't grow past 8 years old. Some women in Africa and America continuously bullied me. Fortunately, I didn't encounter them in Europe. Through out the semester, I sat in his class avoiding eye contact. I couldn't wait for the semester to end. In the end, I received a C. And I prayed to God we would never encounter again.

As a matter of fact, I breezed through a four- year program in two years. I geared up to graduate in May 1989 until he arrested me again. In Spring 1989, I took the last accounting course, Auditing with him. He issued me an F grade for failing to come to his office. To date, it's the only F on my transcript. He added insult to injury when he started blackmailing Attorney P. That's why, he broke up with me in 1990.

"Go to him. He's always wanted to be with you," said Attorney P.

"I don't want to be with him. I would rather be with you," I said.

Because he issued me an F in Auditing, I couldn't graduate in spring 1989. I re-took it with another professor in fall 1989 and passed it. Still, the college refused to bestow me with a BS in Accounting. It was as though they were waiting for me to have sex with him. Finally, I went to the Dean's Office and filed a complaint for sexual harassment. A panel of 12 jurors were appointed. 10 were women while two were men. Ironically, all 10 women sided with him. The two men believed me. Still, the college declined to award me a degree. Instead, the Dean advised me to take more courses. I shelled out another $2,000 for Spring 1990. Then, I waited for them to graduate me. To my dismay, their refusals were adamant. And so, I made a conscious decision. On May 30, 1990, I packed up my bags and moved to Los Angeles. I left my forwarding address with the Dean of Students and school. He promised he would convince them to issue me a diploma. He and Attorney P gave me the benefit of the doubt.

In August 1990, he made good on his pledge. They had reached a consensus. They awarded me a BA in Economics and Mathematics. There was no mention of a BS in Accounting. Yet, I had satisfied all the courses needed to sit for the CPA exam.

"You're still an Accountant. You may show them your transcipt. As a matter of fact, you have more than one major. You have Accounting, Economics and Mathematics. All Accounting courses are Economics classes in this college. That's why, they awarded you a BA in Economics and Mathematics as opposed to a BS in Accounting. I fought hard for you. You're hard working. You graduated with 140 semester credits as opposed to 120. And you accomplished them in 3 years. Well done!" he said.

"All right, I'll accept a BA in Economics and Mathematics. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Thanks for fighting passionately for me," I said.

In 1992, I called Attorney P from Los Angeles. He was excited to hear from me. We started laughing again. A week later, he said that his hours had been reduced. This meant that he was on the verge of being fired. I didn't call him again until 2001. It was too late. In 1998, he died from pancreatic cancer. Yet again, I believe he had been poisoned. I truly believe that the 10 women were the ones who poisoned him, not Instructor M. When I learned, he had died, I decided to obtain a JD. In 2003, my son and I embarked on a journey. I had been accepted at a law school in Massachusetts. Immediately, I enrolled him at University of Massachusetts. However, he never made it out of Maryland. Female terrorists kidnapped him. Four months later, my beloved father passed. In two years, I lost three men. Because I'm the daughter of a reporter, my brain doesn't rush to judgment. In fact, my father and I obtained a degree from City University of New York (CUNY). He studied Journalism at Brooklyn College. CUNY owns more than 20 colleges in NYC. Brooklyn and City Colleges are two of them. I might add that female terrorists fired me on May 30, 2000 because I had coffee with President & CEO T. They had grand illusions I would become Monica Lewisky. A reminder we had met for five minutes to discuss my children's books. Both  he and Attorney P were present at Yale. For these reasons, I fought passionately for children, my father, son, and Attorney P in 24 federal courts from June 2003 until June 2010. Each time, I asked defense attorneys to donate money to children's organizations, return my son, apologize to me (scores of food poisoning, wrongful terminations, freezing of bank accounts, refusals to hire, grand larceny, grand theft, to name a few) and pay us damages. Their refusals were adamant. To be frank, they've continued to poison me. I suffered the last bout on September 30, 2011. It has become a never-ending obsession. They like to terrorize especially during the months of June, September and December.

It begs the question. Marriage Made in Heaven or Hell? Would our marriage have been made in heaven or hell? Hell!!! He gave me an F. Again, it's the only F on my transcript. It's precisely why I've never bothered to sit for the CPA exam.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

President & CEO Timothy P. Shriver, Ph.D









"You look just like your sister," I said.

"Who are you?" He asked

"Your sister's a journalist. My father's also a journalist."

"Who are you?"

"I'm a writer. I've written several books."

"Who are you?"

"Oh! Mr. President. How rude of me? I greatly apologize. I'm the Budget Officer and Acting Grants

Manager of your mother's company."

"Great!"

"Would you like to read my children's books? I wrote two books comprising 30 short stories for

children in English and French."

"Yes. Email is the best way to reach me. I speak French."

"Thanks, Mr. President."

In 2000, I shared an elevator with the president and CEO of a non-profit organization in Washington, DC. I was on cloud nine. Never in my imagination did I envision breathing the same air with him. For starters, I thought he was a figure head. I'm not certain why. Actually, I am. He's a celebrity. It's rare to run into them, let alone inside an elevator. Plus, he comes from a royal family. As a matter of fact, everyone in his family is a celebrity. It begs the question? Do we have royalty in America? The Roosevelts and the Bushes are royalty. If we're to examine it, fathers, nephews and sons became presidents.

The following day, I sent him an email. Did he respond? No! As I said, he's royalty. Before I forget, he was the President and CEO. We shared several common goals. We were the only ones who held two jobs simultaneously. I sent a second one. Not surprisingly, there wasn't an answer. Then, I remembered Attorney P. As it happens, both attended Yale. I sent a third email.

"Would you like to meet over lunch?"

"Let's have coffee at 8:00 AM." he wrote back.

"Yes, Mr. President."

I was right! They shared common goals. Attorney P was also the President and CEO of his law practice. He founded it. And so, we met in his office for five minutes. During this time, we discussed my children's books. Because he had a meeting, we decided we would reconvene. Then, jealous women fired me. According to the grapewine, they believed in their grand illusions that I was the next Monica Lewisky. Did we have sex?

It begs the question. Marriage Made in Heaven or Hell? If we had broached the subject of marriage, would it have been made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! We only discussed children. I'm their advocate. I fought passionately for them in 24 federal courts. We didn't have sex. For the umpteenth time, I only entertain sexual relations with a man I'm married to, engaged to or discussing marriage with. Attorney P and  I often talked about poverty-stricken children. President & CEO T also confronted it. He said he would help me. However, jealous women brought personal vendettas to the workplace.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Attorney P


Did you think for a second I didn't believe in Marriage Made in Heaven? I've been practicing abstinence for a long time. I only entertain sexual relations with a man I'm married to, engaged to, or discussing marriage with. I love it. It empowers me. If truth be told, it puts me in the driver's seat. Simply, I love God and I. He has saved me more than a million times from harm's way. When I was 2 years old, I survived  massive brain injuries. I fell down from a flight of stairs. My head was split into two. On my 4th birthday, my father presented me with a piano which rewired my brain and accorded me the motor skills to hear, talk, and walk. Initially, I was deaf, mute and paralyzed. I still battle recurring amnesia and deafness. Fortunately, I enjoy writing. It helps me to remember. As a matter of fact, my father was a writer. He encouraged his children to put pen to paper. Most importantly, he taught us to channel our anger constructively as opposed to destructively. It dissipates anger. When I'm upset, I write. I don't talk about it with anyone, except God. He's the Alpha and Omega. Back to heaven!

"Have dinner with me," Attorney P said.

"Dinner? I know what that means. It means sex," I said.

"I meant lunch."

"Lunch? I know what that means. It means eat."

"No! No! No!"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!"

"What do you want? Would you rather have coffee?"

"Nothing."

In 1988, Attorney P and I crossed paths in New York City after lunch hours at a restaurant on Park Avenue. His law practice was opposite the law firm I labored. He was a Yale law school graduate and a former IRS agent. During the day, I attended college full time and worked part time from 2PM until 7PM. Sometimes, I worked overtime to make ends meet. I was shocked when I met him at school a week later. As a matter of fact, I took a course, Federal Income Taxation with him. Following this discovery, I withdrew from his class. I took to my heels and ran. Because I needed this course to graduate, I re-took it in 1989. He was the only professor who taught it in the mornings. He worked full time as a tax attorney and part time as a professor. At the end of the semester, I decided to go out with him. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose.

"I apologize. I've got to attend to this client."

"You don't have to apologize."



:You haven't done anything absolutely nothing wrong."


" I'm busy with my homework."

Needless to say, he wined and dined me. We frequented a restaurant close to our jobs and were present at several Broadway shows. Sometimes, we ordered in. He was extremely busy with preparing taxes for his wealthy clients past midnight. He met them in conference rooms while I stayed in his office. Though, he was an attorney, we never once argued, let alone fought. Respect was the cornerstone of our relationship. He was fond of apologizing over nothing. I learned good values from him. I also taught him a lot. I talked non-stop about the poverty-stricken children in Africa. He listened intently. We also discussed getting married and having children. It was one of the reasons he became interested in me. He had been married three times and didn't have children. I had never been married, but had a son. I gave birth to him at a very young age. To be honest, I had my son when I was 8 years old. Because of my brain injuries, I couldn't grow past 8. I endured intense bullying for not amassing pounds and gaining inches. When I became pregnant, I received stem cells from him. I grew from 4 feet tall to almost 5 feet 5 inches.

Without warning, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Unfortunately, he passed in 1998. I was devastated, to say the least. I  truly believe he was poisoned. Shortly, I drafted four novels depicting our romance. In 2002, I decided to attend law school in remembrance of him. In 2003, I was accepted at a law school in Massachusetts. Immediately, I transferred my son's transcript to University of Massachusetts. I home schooled and enrolled him at Strayer University when he was 16. The day before my June 21, 2003 birthday, my only child was kidnapped. He never made it out of Maryland. Four months later, my beloved father died of anxiety. For these reasons, I fought passionately for children in 24 federal courts from June 2003 until June 2010. Each time, I asked defense attorneys to donate money to children's organizations, return my son, apologize to me and pay us damages. Not surprisingly, their refusals were adamant. I no longer file suits. In June 2010, I replaced them with songs. In a nutshell, music helped me recover from my massive brain injuries. Initially, I was deaf, mute and paralyzed. It rewired my brain and accorded me the motor skills to hear, talk, and walk.. I haven't given up my dream of having more children. Every day, I pray for a good man. I would like to have twin boys and adopt a girl from an impoverished country. I'm positive my boys would help me advance to the next age. I haven't aged much since I had my son 26 years ago. As a matter of fact, my son has outgrown me. Some people think he's either my brother or husband. I still eat baby food.

It begs the question. Marriage Made in Heaven or Hell? Would our marriage have been made in heaven or hell? Heaven!!! To date, Attorney P's the only man I've ever dated. My son came on all my other dates. Hence, they weren't dates. I needed male role models for him. Jason also tagged along to my graduate studies at California State and National State Universities. Most importantly, Attorney P was my first love. Again, we never once argued, let alone fought. Laughter became the norm. Respect was the cornerstone. Integrity was critical. Hard work was our middle name. Compassion was what the doctor ordered. May his soul rest in heavenly peace!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa

"If you sleep with him, your memoir and your father's book would make millions," he said.
"Why should I sleep with the mayor? This is ludicrous," I said.
"I'm in a relationship with you."
"I don't mind you sleeping with other men. How about the President & CEO of Special Olympics?"
 "Did you sleep with him? I'm editing your memoir. As the editor, you should listen to me."
 "If you want to make money, you have to say you slept with him. He comes from a royal family."
 "Nothing happened! We met for five minutes to discuss my children's books"
  "We only talked about children. I'm an advocate for children."
 " I fought passionately for them in 24 federal courts for 9 trillion dollars. Children are priceless."
  "If we didn't talk about children, it would have been a different matter."

On my birthday, June 21, 2008, my former fiance L invited me to live with him. He had proposed marriage under false pretenses. Next, he began to plot. He promised to edit my memoir. He also came up with writing a historical novel based upon my father's life. My father was a celebrity in Africa. He was an astute ambassador, renowned journalist, and charming politician. What's more, he founded several newspapers.. L had a hidden agenda. During this time, he started pressuring me to sleep with Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. When, I refused, he moved out of our downtown Los Angeles home for more than two years. He knew about my abstinence. I only entertain sexual relations with a man I'm married to, engaged to or discussing marriage with. I prefer courtship to dating. Anytime I dated, Instructor M and his partners in crime terrorized me and the men in my life. He's been obsessed with my breasts since the day we crossed paths in January 1987 at a college in New York City. He's worse than Adolf Hitler, Bernard Madoff, and Ted Kaczinski. He and his scores of accomplices masterminded Attorney P's death, my father's death, my son's kidnap, 50 wrongful terminations, 5000 refusals to hire, 5 grand larcenies and thefts, 100 food poisonings, 1 poison Ivy on clothes, 100 automobile accidents, account closures, ousted me out of MBA and JD programs, just to name a few. During the time I dated Attorney R, he incited students in my Math class to vandalize the car he helped me with, stage fights, set fires, smear the door with blood, throw rocks which shattered windows in my classroom into tiny fractions, repeat our telephone conversations and draw our private parts on walls.

Not surprisingly, one of my memoirs, Amanda U: 1985 and the Amazing Years did not garner income. I self-published it. I've since withdrawn it. I would like to publish it with a reputable publishing company in America or France. I have plans to move back to Paris. During his Sabattical leave, several residents informed me that the mayor had just divorced his wife. Sometimes, I watched TV downstairs with them. It was still a resounding no. Our relationship would have been based upon deception and false pretenses. As a matter of fact, I spent 2010 Thanksgiving with the mayor and more than 3,000 Los Angelesnos. He was serving meals. When I saw him, I dodged him like a bullet.

" Central library(CL) is freezing. As an economist, my advice is decrease air conditioning & use funds 2 keep CL open 7 days.Thx .AmandaUch," I said.

On September 25, 2010, I sent this tweet to Mayor V. He re-tweeted it on the same day, but he didn't decrease air conditioning.


It begs the question. Will our marriage be made in Heaven or Hell? I would rather take the fifth. Taking the fifth does not mean Hell. Simply, i've no idea. It begs another question. Do you think Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa knew about this plot?  I don't think so! The truth of the matter is I'm capable of finding the right man. No one should force me! Heaven! Opposites who share common goals attract more! He and I love law and politics! My father instilled them in me! I plan to resume law school in fall 2013. I've been fighting passionately for kids in court since 2003.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Attorney R








"You must come to my office," he said.

"I can't," I said.

"If you don't come, your new car will be repossessed," he said.

"I can't afford to leave my students. Children mean the world to me."

"Get a sub!"

"No! Children need continuity."

"It's your judgment call."

"Could you please tell them to stop terrorizing me? I traded in my sports car and $2,000 cash for a Dodge Van two weeks ago. They want to repossess my new car. The bill isn't due until next month. It takes 45 days to pay it. I asked them to return my old car and $2,000, but they refused. They're threatening to repossess the new car. They don't want to return the old car and the $2,000. Could you please call them and remind them about the law? I can't afford to leave my students."

"Yes, of course."



In September 1994, Torrance Dodge began to harass me. Two weeks earlier, I had purchased a Dodge Caravan. I traded in my Pontiac Fiero and paid them $2000.00. My phone rang incessantly. Immediately, I called the law firm who handled my automobile accidents. I averaged seven a year. Many drivers whacked me from the back. Several were hit and run. In 1999, I gave up driving. They referred me to Attorney R. I had just started teaching Mathematics and Pre-Algebra at a middle school in Los Angeles. Hence, I couldn't afford to leave my students with a substitute teacher. However, Attorney R wanted me to come to his office in Beverly Hills. When I asked him if he could make Dodge go away, he agreed. It didn't happen. If anything, they started pounding on my door after midnight. Without delay, I drove from Torrance to Beverly Hills in my new car. His office  was situated between Camden Drive and Wilshire Boulevard in the heart of Beverly Hills. I hated missing work.

"I called Dodge. They won't harass you anymore. They've to right to threaten you. You have a contract. You fulfilled your obligations," Attorney R said.

"How much do I owe you?"

"Not a dime."


"Really?"

"Yes, really."


"Thank you."

"I've changed my mind."

"Really?"

"How about a hug?"

"A hug?"

"Just a hug," he said.

"Yes, of course, counsel," I said.

Then, he grabbed and squeezed me tightly for ten minutes. He wouldn't let go of my breasts.

It begs the question? Marriage Made in Heaven or Hell? Would our marriage have been made in heaven or hell? Heaven!  He has bailed me out several times. He stopped Dodge from repossessing my car. He did not charge me a dime. Following my son's abduction, I accused him of all sorts. He still bailed me out when I called him. Bad people had detained me for three days. When the jealous principal wrongfully terminated me, he sent her a letter. He pleaded my case. If truth be told, he has become my brother. Before I forget, he's the most romantic man in the whole wide world. 

Designer C

" I like your hat, " Designer C said.
"Thanks," I said.
"I'm Designer C. What's yours?"
"Isn't C a woman's name?"
"No! It's a man's name."
"It sounds more like a K. Some people use C and K interchangeably."
"Would you like to come to my party? I opened my fashion house today."
"Today?"
"Yes."
"What are you serving?"
"Just drinks."
"How about hors d'oeuvres?"
"Just alcohol."
"I don't drink outside my home. Thanks for the invitation, but I'll pass."
"I like your dress."
"Thanks. I'm also a designer. As a matter of fact, I bought several yards of fabrics from your store. I used them to design an evening gown, a shawl, a short dress and a wedding gown."
"My store?"
"Yes."
"Why did you design a wedding gown? Are you getting married?"
"Someday."
"Come to my office! I would like you to model your designs for me."
"When?"
"Please feel free to stop by anytime. I'm here in the mornings."
"I will. By the way, my name is AmandaU."

In 2009, I ran into a Los Angeles based designer in downtown Los Angeles. Two weeks earlier, I had purchased six yards of fabrics in blue and cream colors from his store. Next, I designed an evening gown, a shawl, a short dress and a wedding gown. It took me 2 weeks to design and sew them with my hands. I enjoy designing clothes, among other passions. During the time I lived in France, I observed haute couture and haute cuisine. On the same day, he invited me to model them. He allowed me to use his dressing room. I changed twice. Several times, the straps of my bra fell off. My slip was also in the same dilenma. And he took notice of every detail. I was embarassed, to say the least.

"I like the short dress and wedding gown. I like the way you tied the train around your shoulders and waist. They're more my style. They're sophisticated. The evening gown is too simple," he said.
"Thanks for the constructive criticism. I made the evening gown simple. She's on her honeymoon. She wears it for her husband when they're alone.  She wears the shawl in more ways than one. She wears it with her evening gown. The rest is up to her creativity skills. She wears the wedding gown during the wedding and the short dress for the reception."
"You shouldn't hide the straps or your slip. Let them show."
"Really? All rightee!"
"Where did you learn to design?"
"I once lived in Paris."

During the time I strutted my stuff, he glared at my legs several times. He also seemed to be interested in the straps of my bra and my slip. I changed twice.

"Were you alone with him in his office? If he's looking at your legs, it means he wants to have sex," another man said.
"Really? Many women wear short skirts all the time to work. Does it mean the men are interested in sex? If so, are women promoting sex in the workplace? This is my answer. It's OK to fantasize. And Yes, I was alone with him in his office. Nothing happened."
"Designer C is only interested in one thing. You should have had sex with him in his office."
"No! I practice abstinence. I only entertain sexual relations with a man I'm married to, engaged to or discussing marriage with."

Several months later, Designer C became a musician. He stopped designing. If truth be told, he was a contestant on American IDOL. As it happens, music is my oldest career. I started playing the drums and piano when I was 4 years old. To date, I've composed 32 songs. Incidentally, I was a contestant on America's Got Talent and X-Factor.

 It begs the question. Marriage Made in Heaven or Hell? Would our marriage have been made in heaven or hell? Hell!!! He refused to look me in the eye.